Ramblings
I struggled to compile my thoughts when I was told to blog
this afternoon. If I am unable to process my thoughts in my head, how will I
ever convey them accurately to you? I am still not sure how I will…but these
journal entries of mine may hopefully come close. I pray you can see some of
the growth, struggles and amazements experienced thus far in Swazi.
June 26
so evident to so many. Thank you for being the God that no one can explain–Not
in simple terms, not in dissertations. You
are unexplainable. You are matchless on this cold morning and forevermore. You
bring peace. You bring teaching. You are the all knowing. Creator and the all
sufficient one. You have always existed and will continue throughout time. You
proceed time.
You rebuke with soft
whispers.
You amaze with mighty
crashes.
You are a puzzle. We have only a few pieces and no distinguished
picture to go by.
Some may call that pointless.
Others see it as a life long adventure. Others join the game and depart in
frustration.
Which one am I?
I know the character I
want to be.
You are the weaver of
splendid sunrise tapestries. The composer of a bird’s song. You are as
complicated as physics yet as simply swallowed as milk. How are you the way you are?
You make things easy,
yet difficult in one word. You stretch those who were fine with their spiritual
size. You press on top of some who don’t think they have the strength to even
hold themselves up. You squeeze the worldly gluttons and make them regurgitate
their desires. You are crazy. You are wild.
Right?
I’m writing this to
remind myself that I’m ok with all of these qualities about you. I understand not one of them. But that’s OK. I will search
them out during the hours you grant each day.
When someone asks me, “How
are you Hannah?” I’m learning to be content in the answer of “OK.” I need to be
OK with not knowing all the answers. OK in the fact that I don’t have
everything figured out. OK with the knowledge that my expectations are
worthless. I’m OK. It’s OK.
And that’s completely
and overwhelmingly alright. But, I am here in case you would like for my answer
to change.
July 3
This is the most
difficult trip.
Whether it’s fighting
expectations, bad attitudes, laziness, or not living in today—we constantly
struggle. It’s a new fight each day…but with the same enemy. Maybe this is the
reason we are here. We have to learn to
conquer our minds.
We have to learn to
expect nothing and to be content in all things. We have to go with the flow and
have joy in whatever work or hands do.
Such practical lessons
that wouldn’t have been learned in the fast paced-ness of America.
No—we had to travel
8,132 miles form home to sit idly at times to learn these things of the heart
and mind.
These things we will bring to the states.
I’ve moved forward.
I’ve moved.
I’ve never felt more in
the wilderness, but I feel comforted. I feel loved. Encouraged. Prayed for. Sought
after. Because of You and because of my team, because of all you in the states.
You were right Jamie—I couldn’t
stay in the same place.
I’ve moved. Forward.
These are all such hard
battles. Battles of worth and of purpose here in a new land. Content-ness is
the banner for today; Today and only today because tomorrow doesn’t exist, and
may never.
This is the strangest
trip. The most unexpected. The most frustrating. The best way to learn,
however.
I’ll never return to
where I’ve traveled from.
I’ll never be who I used
to be.
I’ve uprooted.
Thank you for these two
months. Set my eyes on the deeds here, the joy here, the work here…You here.
I pray that this dimly outlines some emotions felt by myself
and my team. I said a few times that this trip is strange, but this trip is
also inspiring. I’ve learned a lot about myself. Wow…I’ve learned a lot about
myself.
I’ve seen God in new ways. I’ve called him by new names. We
have seen him move in different ways each day. I cant imagine what will come in
the next month.
Look for the wild and beastly God that we serve in the U.S. Most never
see that characteristic of God. Maybe you will be lucky enough to. But even if you don’t,
trust me—it exists.
Sorry for the ramblings. I pray you can somewhat piece this
puzzle together. I pray I can as well.
I love you all. Your support, encouragement and love mean
everything. See you all soon!
P.S. Happy
belated 4th of July
Gosh! how nice to hear from you and your team members, it’s been a long time. Glad the stickers are usefull. I can’t wrap my head around what you are really doing but I have faith in you and your judgement so .Forward. No matter how much you are needed there please know you are needed that many times over here. Having your head in two places is complicated but so is growing up and you seem to be doing a fine job of both. Love and God bless Gran
My beautiful flowering Hannah,
I follow your flow of thoughts remarkably well. In my heart I knew that my Hannie would not return from this journey towards and with our Father; I knew that a new and more easily inspired,in-spirit,child of God would continue to be revealed. I have all ways known this about you. We are One in Him. We All are. Amazement is synonomous with breath when one is so firmly on The Path. This physical existence is so foreign to our real home; our Home of complete Oneness with all and Love as the One and only real emotion. Anything other than Love is a but a misperception, not a sin but a misunderstanding that can easily be corrected through forgiveness as He does.
Dearest Hannah,
Your ever deepening spiritual formation is evident in your thoughts on paper. Obviously you are being Jesus by loving all. You are remembered by your friend and pastor in these days of missional journeying. You will be remembered after the Swaziland journey is complete. Love and Blessings!
Geezy
Inspiring, beautiful. A message born out of a loving,compassionate heart. Hannah, my prayers are with you sweet girl and for the precious people you and your team are touching in Swaziland. Thank you for sharing your deepest thoughts with us, it has touched my soul.
HE REIGNS!!
Ms. Chris
Hey girl!! I have read your “ramblings” several times. Thanks for sharing your innermost thoughts. I was so glad to see your blog but I can’t wait to be face to face as you share your Swazi stories. Sounds like you are having an array of experiences and emotions that are challenging you to explore many of the same issues we discussed before the trip. And you’re right – it is OK.
Rebecca and I miss you terribly and pray daily for you, the team and the people of Swazi. Continue to listen and follow and then ultimatley lead. Blog again soon if you can.
We love you!! We miss you!!
mom and bec
Hey Hannita, I don’t know if you actually read these comments or much less have time to check this page but I am at camp and finally got an internet connection and was able to read your blog.
I’m excited and other than that I can’t really put together another emotion, things are crazy here as I’m sure they are there however – incredibly different. I love you Hannah Farish and could not be any more thankful for this summer that our Father has provided.
Know that I am thinking of you =)
Big Sister!!! Hey, so let me just start out by saying I am only hearing how wonderfully things are going there and how great of a time you are having but if at anytime you start having more fun there then you whould back at home dancing in the car with me and Jamie then it’s time to head home lol i’m kidding. I am so glad and releaved to hear your experience is everything you hoped it would be and needed so far, your writing is impecable as usual and your room hasn’t been touched…as for your closet…lets just say i have a lot of returning to do before you return 🙂 can’t wait to hug you and yes my hugs have improved. Love love love you and don’t worry we have been taking care of Jamie for you…come home so we can see him smile again 🙂 love you sister
Hannah, i remember telling your mother you would come back a changed, different person! you can’t move out of your comfort zone and not be changed, stretched, bewildered……God is so amazing, so unexplainable, so loving! may He continue to love, amaze, change, stretch and bewilder you into His image.
with prayers
Joan