I struggled to compile my thoughts when I was told to blog
this afternoon. If I am unable to process my thoughts in my head, how will I
ever convey them accurately to you? I am still not sure how I will…but these
journal entries of mine may hopefully come close. I pray you can see some of
the growth, struggles and amazements experienced thus far in Swazi.

June 26

You rebuke with soft
whispers.

You amaze with mighty
crashes.

You are a puzzle. We have only a few pieces and no distinguished
picture to go by.

Some may call that pointless.
Others see it as a life long adventure. Others join the game and depart in
frustration.

Which one am I?

I know the character I
want to be.

You are the weaver of
splendid sunrise tapestries. The composer of a bird’s song. You are as
complicated as physics yet as simply swallowed as milk. How are you the way you are?

You make things easy,
yet difficult in one word. You stretch those who were fine with their spiritual
size. You press on top of some who don’t think they have the strength to even
hold themselves up. You squeeze the worldly gluttons and make them regurgitate
their desires. You are crazy. You are wild.

Right?

I’m writing this to
remind myself that I’m ok with all of these qualities about you. I understand not one of them. But that's OK. I will search
them out during the hours you grant each day.

When someone asks me, “How
are you Hannah?” I’m learning to be content in the answer of “OK.” I need to be
OK with not knowing all the answers. OK in the fact that I don’t have
everything figured out. OK with the knowledge that my expectations are
worthless. I’m OK. It’s OK.

And that’s completely
and overwhelmingly alright. But, I am here in case you would like for my answer
to change.

July 3

This is the most
difficult trip.

Whether it’s fighting
expectations, bad attitudes, laziness, or not living in today—we constantly
struggle. It’s a new fight each day…but with the same enemy. Maybe this is the
reason we are here. We have to learn to
conquer our minds.

We have to learn to
expect nothing and to be content in all things. We have to go with the flow and
have joy in whatever work or hands do.

Such practical lessons
that wouldn’t have been learned in the fast paced-ness of America.

No—we had to travel
8,132 miles form home to sit idly at times to learn these things of the heart
and mind.

            These things we will bring to the states.

            I’ve moved forward.

            I’ve moved.

I’ve never felt more in
the wilderness, but I feel comforted. I feel loved. Encouraged. Prayed for. Sought
after. Because of You and because of my team, because of all you in the states.

You were right Jamie—I couldn’t
stay in the same place.

I’ve moved. Forward.

These are all such hard
battles. Battles of worth and of purpose here in a new land. Content-ness is
the banner for today; Today and only today because tomorrow doesn’t exist, and
may never.

This is the strangest
trip. The most unexpected. The most frustrating. The best way to learn,
however.

I’ll never return to
where I’ve traveled from.

I’ll never be who I used
to be.

I’ve uprooted.

Thank you for these two
months. Set my eyes on the deeds here, the joy here, the work here…You here.

I pray that this dimly outlines some emotions felt by myself
and my team. I said a few times that this trip is strange, but this trip is
also inspiring. I’ve learned a lot about myself. Wow…I’ve learned a lot about
myself.

I’ve seen God in new ways. I’ve called him by new names. We
have seen him move in different ways each day. I cant imagine what will come in
the next month.

Look for the wild and beastly God that we serve in the U.S. Most never
see that characteristic of God. Maybe you will be lucky enough to. But even if you don’t,
trust me—it exists.

Sorry for the ramblings. I pray you can somewhat piece this
puzzle together. I pray I can as well.

I love you all. Your support, encouragement and love mean
everything. See you all soon!

            P.S. Happy
belated 4^th of July