Through Jesus’ Eyes

  When I disappear and my world becomes my Lord’s and my heart becomes as one with He who made it and my eyes become the eyes of Jesus, my world—my vision—completely changes. When I first got to Swaziland it was hard adjusting because my view was still all about myself. My goal for this missions trip had been for God to change me, to find out who I am, and see what God could do in my life, etc. After a week, I was really struggling trying to find my purpose here and on this team. I was talking to one of my team members, Staci, about it and she said something that spoke right to my heart: “It’s not about who we are in Christ; it’s about who Christ is in us.” God used that to show me that I had been so focused on myself and my purpose here that I was missing what he really wanted to show me. So I realized that I needed to disappear. I needed to become less so he could become greater. More than that, I needed to see this country and these people through his eyes—through the eyes of our El Roi (the God who Sees).

Through my eyes, the pain was so real, dark, and heavy. I would walk past a garbage dump that smelled so raunchy, yet this was the home of some orphans and other homeless people. They would sift through the garbage looking for any food or shelter. We also have been working at carepoints (which are places set up by some churches that serve a meal for orphans or poor children) and I have held children who are half-naked, or clothed basically with dirt. One boy smelled of filth as I picked him up because he had been wearing the same clothes for awhile, and he had peed in them. When we walked into town the other day we met an old woman who had lost both legs, three children, and her husband. I also found out about something called the “tree-line,” which is where girls of all ages, even young girls, go to sell their bodies to men to get money for food or school or their families. 

Yet, in all that pain (and I haven’t even seen the half of it) and darkness there is a marvelous light! The hope and unconditional love of Christ radiates through these people here. When my eyes become those of El Roi’s, I see a whole different world. I see and feel the pain, but more than that, I see and feel the love. I see it in the children’s eyes when one of us goes to pick them up; I hear it in their laughter and giggles that still rings in my ears as I type this. I see hope in the tears of that woman who had lost both legs, her children and husband—she cried when some of our team members prayed for her and she spoke of an unshakable faith in God. I have seen God in so many ways here. I have seen him in Goo-Goo’s school. Goo-Goo is a woman of God who started this small school to get those girls to stop going to the tree line. Public and private schools cost a lot of money here, so many children cannot go to school. I have the awesome opportunity to go to this school for two days every week and get to teach the 14 students English and also teach them about Jesus. It is so amazing! (It is something I may want to do in my future…come back here to start a free school!) I also saw God through a woman named Tambe (which is also my new SiSwati name J –it means trusted woman). Tambe is one of the teachers at Goo-Goo’s, and I had an awesome conversation with her. She told me about here life—how she and her husband are separated and her kids live with him. I could feel the loneliness as she talked about it and how she lived by herself, yet she refused to complain about it. She told me how close to God she felt through it all and said she prays that if it’s God’s will He will bring her family back together again. But she said she was content without her husband and that it was a blessing to be able to cling and depend only on God. What an amazing woman! 

I feel almost as if I have indeed even held Jesus! Takisti was the very first child that I held in my arms, and she did not speak much English, but she was content just sitting in my lap. So I rocked her and held her close as she snuggled her head under my chin. I hummed the song “Jesus loves me” and before I knew it I heard a faint voice singing the words. This beautiful child in my arms was singing, “Jesus loves me” in English, and it was the most beautiful song I have heard! 

I am overwhelmed with the God’s presence here. I see him in sunset over the mountains! I see him in the breath-taking sprinkle of stars over our heads, I touch him when I hold the precious children in my arms, I feel him in the comfort and support of my team members, and I hear him in my heart as he continues to lead me and mold me!

Thank you so much for your prayers and support. I can definitely tell that people are praying for me, and it is much needed here! Here is a list of specific things you can be praying for:

Pray against the lust in this country. Walking down the streets is so uncomfortable because the women are just like pieces of meat. A number of the girls on our team have already been proposed to (which is quite humorous at times, but it can be serious, too). 

Pray for unity of our team. We have been blessed with amazing unity so far and we do not want Satan to get a foothold in any way.

Pray for children at Goo-Goo’s school and for us that we can minister to them and teach them effectively.

Pray for the orphans and the children at the carepoints that are just yearning for someone to love them.

Pray for me that God will break my heart for these people here and that I can truly see them as he does.

Pray for our team leaders (Tana, Jesse, and Page) and team members: Steph, Staci, Christina, Hannah, Haley, Katy, Lauren, Rachel S., Rachel F., Dawn, Kelsey, Blayne, Jessie, Amber, Kate, Ryan, and Daniel.

Praise Jesus! For what he has done already, is doing now, and will continue to do.

I Praise God for you! Thank you! I love you!